Day 4, 5, & 6 - Quality Engagements & Awkwardness

Day 4

Today was my first day at work as a social skydiver.  Unfortunately my boss loaded tons of work on me, so I wasn't able to go to the gym, or explore the building for strangers like I had intended.  Instead I made the most of my situation and worked on quality.  Which meant engage some of the people I see everyday in the halls but only greet them with a friendly hello. 

I have to admit approaches around the office are soooooooo much easier because, I believe, it's “socially acceptable” to make conversion with someone you work with.  No one is going to tell me to “Fuck off” or anything of the like.  Now you may be asking yourself why I didn't postpone my endeavor until after work? The reason is I needed to practice for a speech I had to deliver the next day.  You see I'm a member of Toastmasters International, which is an organization designed for people who want to practice their public speaking.  Anywho even though I didn't engage a stranger I'm still pushing myself socially and taking initiative engaging people.

Day 5

My speech went off without a hitch! In case you're wondering it was about developing healthy sleep habits.  As for social skydiving throughout the day I missed a couple of good opportunities to talk to strangers around the building.  For example, one of my fellow Toastmasters was talking about her weekend canoe ride along the Charles River.  This is something I’m dying to do but haven’t yet pursued, so using my newfound underlying curiosity strategy to combat fear I decided I would ask her about it.  I didn’t work  this time, I found myself waiting for the right moment which never came.  I’ll have to work on this!  There is no such thing as the right moment.

In the end I found someone, on my way out of the office, talk about cutting it close.  There was a girl following me out of the building into the parking lot.  I thought to myself, "hmmmm, I've never seen her before.". Which is exactly what I said to her,

"Really? I've been here for three years."

"Oh, they keep us pretty compartmentalized in finance."

"Same with database."

The conversation ended there.  It was pretty awkward, and I thought about continuing until I realized it was important to let the awkward silence remain.  I wanted to know what it felt like, to relish in it.  Sitting down in the driver seat of my vehicle I couldn’t have been giddier.  Pushing though my internal walls and attempting to initiate a conversation with this girl was overwhelmingly satisfying compared to the feeling of chickening out earlier in the day at Toastmasters.  In the end nothing happened, the conversation didn’t go anywhere.  It was awkward, but it’s not difficult to deal with.

Day 6

            Not too much to report today, I got a haircut after work and engaged my hairdresser.  Tomorrow my friend from work, Ahbi (pronounced Abby) and I have plans to tip back a couple of drinks.  This will be a perfect test of my progress so far.

Day 3 – Curiosity and Authenticity.

I’ve learned something these past three days.  I need to hang around my three-year-old nephew more.  Don’t get me wrong I see him once a month and talk to him on a weekly basis, but there’s a lot I can learn from him.  Being three years old, he’s the most curious little guy I know. 

I’ll start from the beginning.  Due to yesterdays lack luster performance I have to admit my spirits weren’t exactly soaring.  Also, because the cost of a washer and dryer in my building is highway robbery I’ve been venturing to a different laundry mat each week or so to clean my clothes.  It was a great opportunity to rebound.  After breakfast I emptied the hamper, grabbed Game of Thrones and sped off determined to succeed.

There I am, plunked down reading the next chapter of my book beside a girl whose also got her nose buried in what I assumed was Twilight, but didn’t get a look at the cover so who knows (yeah yeah, I shouldn’t assume).  BAM! lack of inertia kicks in (read day 1 if you’re confused) and I’ve hit a wall.  Again I don’t know what the heck to say.  Then doubt sets in because if I don’t accomplish this right now there’s a chance I’ll suffer the same fate as yesterday. 

She gets up and leaves before I open my mouth…I failed.

However, there’s another sitting three seats to my right.  All is not lost.  She has her face buried in a phone, and like clockwork I hit a wall.  What the heck do I say? I want to push myself beyond “Hi” and I keep coming up empty.  Eventually lightning strikes, I’m going to ask her what cell phone provider she has.  I have a new iPhone 4S coming this Friday and with my new purchase comes a new provider, Sprint.  I figure that will get the ball rolling which will lead into natural conversation. 

She rises, and leaves….you’ve got to be kidding me!

That’s disappointing but at least I thought of something to say to a stranger with a smart phone, which should take a micro second.  In the meantime I have to put my clothes into the dryer, and this task proves to not be as easy as it sounds.  You see, this establishment uses a credit card with a computer chip embedded within the plastic to keep track of your balance for washers and dryers.  After loading my wet clothes into an open dryer and selecting the preferred temperature setting I inserted my card to start the dryer.  “05 min” clocked in on the display with no visible controls to add time.  Perplex, I asked the girl next to me how to add more time.  She ran me through the basics and I decided not to waste the opportunity and told her about my experimentation involving laundry mats all around the area…this being my second one.  Afterward I thanked her for helping me and satisfyingly sat down to continue Game of Thrones.  Day three was complete.

After some reflection I came to the conclusion that I’ve been having trouble coming up with something to say because deep down I don’t really want to, for me forcing conversation is like any other crummy chore.  Going forward curiosity and, perhaps more important, authenticity should be integrated into speaking to strangers.  Actually, it should be the foundation. 

Day 2 - Does "Hi" Count?

Today was tough, but no without its opportunities.  My plan was to head to a local park in the afternoon to practice a speech about sleep hygiene and start to read “A Game of Thrones.”  Since it was still gorgeous outside I figured the park would be filled with people to talk to.  Unfortunately, I let this mind set destroy any opportunity which presented themselves earlier in the day, like the yard sale I visited down the street or a girl reading (and walking) her Kindle.  In both of these scenarios I thought of something to say, but instead kept my mouth shut for one reason or another.  No worries, I’ll still complete my goal at the park, right?

Wrong!

The park was baron of single people and groups of two or three.  All that remained was groups consisting of 5-7 people that turned out to be way more intimidating than I thought.  I got to thinking about ways to solve my dilemma; I need to change up my venue until I build up my confidence to approach strangers in this setting.  I’ve got some laundry to do tomorrow so with some luck it won’t be a problem to do a little social skydiving at the laundry mat.

So unfortunately I didn’t make genuine conversation with a stranger (at least I did it twice yesterday), but I did say “hi” to several folks as we encountered each other on the sidewalk.

I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes…it would be so much easier.