Day 10 Thru 13 – Quality Over Quantity

Instead of updating this blog every single day, I thought it would make more sense to update it once a week, or whenever a significant challenge presents itself.  I thought this would be the best way to approach Social Skydiving because things are becoming very routine lately.  What does that mean for you readers?  I won’t be updating every night, but this blog will go beyond 30 days!  

With that out of the way lets talk a little about my adventures the past couple days.  At the very least I’ve been able to initiate conversations with folks at work, held a conversation with an older man about photography (I was out shooting when he came up to me and started talking), and say “hello” to strangers on the move.  I’m completing the goal, yes, but there isn’t anything new/exciting to learn from these exchanges.   Which means I’ve definitely grown and now it’s time to push myself even further.

I’ve been brainstorming ideas that will present a social challenge for me to overcome in time:

I want to ask a stranger for a photograph

Visit the Museum of Fine Arts and strike up a conversation

Take the train into work and talk to someone during the commute

What up to a girl at the bar and say, “You’re really beautiful, I want to talk to you.”

Visit the New England Aquarium and strike up a conversation

            As you can see accomplishing all of these goals will take some time and these situations are the ones I would rather talk about rather than chitchat with co-workers or saying “hi” passing strangers in the street or grocery store.  Some of those goals are going to be difficult and may entail progressing longer than 30 days.

I’ll be away this weekend dog sitting for my Uncle, which is a great opportunity to be adventurous.  Hopefully I’ll have good news and reflections to post!

Day 9 – “I currently struggle with…”

The words used in this introduction were spoken by a former colleague of mine who coincidentally was the one who suggested I join the Toastmasters organization.  It would come up when we were working out, typically with corncob pull-ups.  Instead of saying, “I can’t” he would always say “I currently struggle with…” and insert whatever it was he wanted to work on.  

            The only plan for today involved taking some pictures at a local park and hoping there will be someone there to interact with.  As luck would have it there was a girl sitting by herself on a bench pounding her finger tips on a Dell laptop.  I slowly made my way up to her snapping photos along the way, my plan was to simply say “hello” and see where it went from there.  If things went well maybe I could snap a candid photo of her once getting to know each other. 

That isn’t how the events unfolded.  As I made my way toward her another fellow sat down at an adjacent bench, his proximity was just close enough to see me fail (if that outcome were to occur).  In the end I chickened out because I was afraid of this stranger witnessing me potentially failing.  I didn’t open my mouth, and continued to explore the park capturing exposures.  Eventually another opportunity, similar to my earlier encounter presented itself, two girls sitting on different benches reading.  I sat down across from them and kept myself busy by reviewing my photos and responding to an e-mail.  Once again a rationalized why this opportunity wasn’t ideal and didn’t end up saying anything to either of the girls, not even “hello.”  It made so much sense at the time, but now my reasoning is completely silly.

“What if I say something to girl A and I hurt girls B feelings by ignoring her?  What if they both look up at me dumbfounder?”

I stood up and walked away feeling dreadful.  However, all was not lost and I did talk to a stranger on my way home.  It was in the late afternoon and while walking west the sun was scorching my eyes.  As I was waiting for the crosswalk signal to change I peered to my left and noticed a woman guarding herself from the sun. 

“Hell of a day to forget your sunglasses huh?”

She stared blankly at me.  A few seconds later she replied.

“Hell of a day to think you’ve forgotten your sunglasses only to remember there’s a pair in your bag.”

“Ha! Anything I can do to help.”

My goal was met, but the sting of failure from the park still lingered. 

            Now that I’ve had some time to think about it there are some valuable data points and lessons from this experience.  Some people are easy to engage, and others still present a challenge for me.  The more I go out there, talk to, and experiment, the faster I will find my line and eventually push past it.

As for lessons I learned I am my own worst enemy, and it’s not easy to admit.  Secondly, taking no action significantly rattles my core.  I hope I’m able to use what happened in the park to my advantage in the future.  Next time I feel paralyzed and unable to act I know what the alternative is, and it’s dreadful.  It reminds me of something Lance Armstrong once said, “Pain is temporary, failure lasts forever.”  His words have never held so much weight with me than they do right now.  Finally, not every day will be a homerun and the best way to approach the difficult kinds of days is to try and learn something.  If this was easy then I wouldn’t have to dedicate time and effort to it. 

I currently struggle with talking to strangers, and every step is progress.

Day 7 - Rained Out. Day 8 - Poker Face

Day 7 – Rained out.

Darn!  I was so excited to hit the town with my buddy Ahbi instead fate decides it better to drop a torrential downpour on Boston.  Ahbi got a head start on me due to setting up my iPhone, and after a couple of texts back and fourth to meet up he proclaimed the rain killed the scene.  Most places were dead.

I was really looking forward to going out.  Things are beginning to become a little stale, I’m not feeling a challenge.  Earlier in the week I talked about socially acceptable areas and how it felt like work was on of them, in these area’s it feel like I cannot fail.  I have to eliminate this mindset. 

Day 8 – Poker Face

Today was cake.  My friends Tina and Steve were hosting a poker night at their house.  All but one guest was a stranger to me.  In the beginning I was able to talk to two guys named Dan and Alex.  We hit it off pretty well by sharing our experiences with the new iPhone 4S.  Other folks poured in and the grand total ended up being around 17.  Throughout the night I exchanged some words with everyone, it was a great group and I loved the game.  Looking forward to round two.

Day 9 is one the way, but it's looking to be a fairly long entry so I wanted to do it justice before posting.