The words used in this introduction were spoken by a former colleague of mine who coincidentally was the one who suggested I join the Toastmasters organization. It would come up when we were working out, typically with corncob pull-ups. Instead of saying, “I can’t” he would always say “I currently struggle with…” and insert whatever it was he wanted to work on.
The only plan for today involved taking some pictures at a local park and hoping there will be someone there to interact with. As luck would have it there was a girl sitting by herself on a bench pounding her finger tips on a Dell laptop. I slowly made my way up to her snapping photos along the way, my plan was to simply say “hello” and see where it went from there. If things went well maybe I could snap a candid photo of her once getting to know each other.
That isn’t how the events unfolded. As I made my way toward her another fellow sat down at an adjacent bench, his proximity was just close enough to see me fail (if that outcome were to occur). In the end I chickened out because I was afraid of this stranger witnessing me potentially failing. I didn’t open my mouth, and continued to explore the park capturing exposures. Eventually another opportunity, similar to my earlier encounter presented itself, two girls sitting on different benches reading. I sat down across from them and kept myself busy by reviewing my photos and responding to an e-mail. Once again a rationalized why this opportunity wasn’t ideal and didn’t end up saying anything to either of the girls, not even “hello.” It made so much sense at the time, but now my reasoning is completely silly.
“What if I say something to girl A and I hurt girls B feelings by ignoring her? What if they both look up at me dumbfounder?”
I stood up and walked away feeling dreadful. However, all was not lost and I did talk to a stranger on my way home. It was in the late afternoon and while walking west the sun was scorching my eyes. As I was waiting for the crosswalk signal to change I peered to my left and noticed a woman guarding herself from the sun.
“Hell of a day to forget your sunglasses huh?”
She stared blankly at me. A few seconds later she replied.
“Hell of a day to think you’ve forgotten your sunglasses only to remember there’s a pair in your bag.”
“Ha! Anything I can do to help.”
My goal was met, but the sting of failure from the park still lingered.
Now that I’ve had some time to think about it there are some valuable data points and lessons from this experience. Some people are easy to engage, and others still present a challenge for me. The more I go out there, talk to, and experiment, the faster I will find my line and eventually push past it.
As for lessons I learned I am my own worst enemy, and it’s not easy to admit. Secondly, taking no action significantly rattles my core. I hope I’m able to use what happened in the park to my advantage in the future. Next time I feel paralyzed and unable to act I know what the alternative is, and it’s dreadful. It reminds me of something Lance Armstrong once said, “Pain is temporary, failure lasts forever.” His words have never held so much weight with me than they do right now. Finally, not every day will be a homerun and the best way to approach the difficult kinds of days is to try and learn something. If this was easy then I wouldn’t have to dedicate time and effort to it.
I currently struggle with talking to strangers, and every step is progress.
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